Catacomb

Last night I awoke from a startling dream that nearly choked me.
I was standing in a field-rather a verdant bowl in a dramatic valley enclosed by magnificent peaks. It seemed ideal. It is place I often go when I dream. Of my soul's landscape, this place is one of my favorites. Open and able to contain so much possiblity. Rolling down the mountains came a wall of menacing dark stature. It closed in until it was around me tight as an abandoned mine shaft. The skies darkened over my catacomb, followed by sweeping thunder I could feel beneath my feet. An image-a semblance of light emmerged from the wall. It was Julian-though he was grown. Next the face became Nico-also as an adult. This figure came in closer merging now into my father. Successively, this man changed before my eyes into all the men I have known in my life,flowing backwards through time. Each moment was punctuated by the way each man filled the room. Some were kind, reaching and entreating me into their loving arms. The next man would be sinister and heartwrenching, clawing at my skin and spitting venom. I close my eyes to shut out the shifting man who changed his demeanor to fast too fast to process. Though now, the sensations intensified. I smell this man wrapping himself around me. I feel his hot breath on my neck. Here in the sepulchre I hear him murmuring under his rancid breath...'' Pretty thing'' , ''You are mine'' , ''Why do you make me do this?'' ......He is inspecting my body-pointing out my flaws. He laughs and fumbles at my small breasts-says it's obvious I want him, that my nipples give me away. His hands are abrupt and rough, totally opposite from his gentle almost charming voice. His disgusting intent is all dressed up in a respectable suit and matching smile. His repellant lies permeate every space. My hands are now tied. I cannot see, even if I want to, with this blindfold. I feel daggers and probbing all over that liftes and pushes me against the jagged wall. There is a burning fire between my legs as he crashes into me. Wave upon wave, each blow more perverse than the other. That steady pleasant voice bidding me to trust him, to want him, to love him... He is laughing at my corruption as I hear footsteps and another voice. This new man's presence added a demonic weight to the room. The earth groaned beneath him. When you cannot see your eyes become incorperated into all your sences. This primal way of seeing gives smells a shape. Sounds become lifeforms. Creature from cruel worlds invaded and conquered my body. They are uninvited and pissing in all my corners-making my territory their own. I feel steel against my throat as they conspire an attack. ....

..will have to continue. This dream has triggered too many memories, some of them new.